I'm on a soap box. My mom posted a Christmas picture of some of us and someone commented that 'her daughter was pretty'. Nice. But you know what my mom replied? I quote: "Very proud of her, she is very smart but has never had to work. She home schooled my 17 year old granddaughter..."
So she turns a compliment toward me into a negative by reporting what I didn't do with my life. Is she embarrassed that I didn't contribute financially and acquire more?
Never had to work? Excuse me?! I have dealt with her comments before but this really tweaked me. She was a single mom even though she was married off and on to 'someone' much of my childhood. Her divorces left her bitter. She felt she was doing it all. I know it had to be hard on her trying to provide. Is it because I haven't worked for MONEY that my work means so little to her?
She has commented before that "Unlike YOU, I've never had anyone to take care of me.". Hmmm. Seems my husband and I took care of EACH OTHER and our FAMILY. Does she resent not having this? Yes, she does.
I understand her pain, really I do, but I cannot believe the disrespect my own mother is showing toward me and others like me who make the choice to stay home to raise their children.
WE made a choice, my husband and I. It wasn't a hard decision but I had my fears. Living off of one income is one thing but I also knew I'd be dealing with societal pressures. Homeschooling is looked at as 'backward' and so is being a homemaker, even though decades ago it was more the norm.
I
work. I was a daycare, teacher, house cleaner, taxi driver and more and I did so
without pay. I do have a business at home. A dog sitting business. I have
NEVER had to work? Bah. How much would I have had to PAY someone to do these individual jobs?
I'm not lazy. I don't just sit around all day and contribute to the world via my computer and social media. I work hard at my 'home jobs' and dog sitting job while continuing my education beyond the 2 and 4 year degrees I already have. In the future I can use that education for a 'money' job if/when I choose.
We all make life decisions and some people aren't going to understand or respect them.That's okay. I just wish my own mom would give me credit where credit is due.
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27 comments:
Although I haven't homeschooled my boys, my husband and I did make the choice for me to stay home with them. I know how much work and how many jobs there are being a stay at home parent. Hugs to you and your family for the choices and sacrifices you have made!
Right on........what you did took alot of discipline and I pat you on the back..
I'm so sorry this has happened. Boy our mom's know how to cut us like a knife don't they? I just try to remember they don't mean it. Well maybe they do but I don't think they intentionally hurt us. We (the people reading your blog) know what work you've done. I "don't work" either. Just hang in there and know you are doing the right thing cause that's what you decided to do. You didn't do it to please someone else.
We have made sacrifices too and that is never easy. You are blessed with one thing and one thing alone MONEY IS NOT YOUR GOD! Take that thought to bed tonight. You should be proud of all that you have achieved. No less because you care and love which is not a crime but something to be honoured for. We salute you. Bitterness is it's own worse enemy I am afraid.
Have a terrific Tuesday you deserve it.
Best wishes Molly
According to Salary.com :
Stay-at-home moms work an average of 96.6 hours per week. Working moms do "mom jobs" 55.9 hours per week -- in addition to their regular jobs!
So what would mom's paycheck look like? Factoring in time and a half for overtime, stay-at-home moms would earn $115,431 a year, while working moms would earn $63,471.
I home-schooled my two daughter so I know how utterly hard that job is.
I have an older sister that is much like your mother. I'm always that "you don't understand" sister because I didn't work. Well the joke is on her because my family is strong, my girls are in college and on their own working and buying homes. There is no job more important than raising the future.
STAY STRONG and be PROUD of yourself. Truth is on your side!!
(((HUGS)))
I'm so sorry You and Your Mom are having problems....but true, it happens to ALL of Us no matter what.This sounds like such a long term heart-ache,it even breaks My heart.I hope and will say a prayer that Your Mom will see the error of Her ways with You and will make amends and apologize to You.Nothing is too hard for God. Her bitterness is a deep problem for Her and as I said it breaks My heart to hear it.It was best that You vented to Us-no problem.Hugs Denise
Ah, Parsley, I understand. I *never worked* either - and comments can be cruel.
I guess all you can do is take a small degree of consolation in the fact that your mom said that she is proud of you, and that you are very smart.
And then, look to the One Who Sees - I KNOW for a fact, that the Lord looks down on your wonderful work as a mother and smiles with pride.
GOD BLESS!
I have often wished there was a "way back machine" so that I could retract and restate something I said without thinking or being very careful about... We all say "dumb things" from time to time - not usually(?) maliciously...
Your mom seems to have a bad case of "foot in mouth"... and that might explain the divorces - something I can't for the life of me see you ever doing.
Now the hard part, being Christian and somehow forgiving her... Ugh.
well all i can say is you have worked and dammed hard ... and you have got a wonderful family from it and continue to help others with your new training and I wish you lots of luck with that ...
(((hugs ))) love mouse xxxxxx
Mothers can be very cruel at times....I speak from experience. (((Hugs to you)))
I am sorry but I laughed. I think we must have the same mother haha.
Hun: I admire you for making the decision not to work. Children need moms at home far more than they need the newest computer game. I had to work on and off and I wish more than anything I didnt but you do what has to be done at the time..even so, if I had a day off it was spent with my children even if I still had to pay childcare...and of course I homeschooled throughout it. Being a mom is the most important job in the world. As for your mother..as we seem to be related and have the same one, I can tell you now; you could walk on water and it still wouldnt be good enough for her. e.g. I passed 15 O'levels at school: my aunt, just a year older got 8. My mother's comment was ' Well xxxx did better at maths than you'. Not sure how since I was a straight A student.
Now; look at all the lovely comments you have and do what I do: laugh and continue to see life as positively as you can. You are not responsible for someone else's life choices! Now sweetie, let me see you smile or I will come over there!!!!! (The things I will do for a holiday rofl)
Push to the back of your mind and have a lovely, amazing, Happy New Year!
I worked most of my married life but the happiest times for me was when I could stay at home with my children. I am so glad that you were able to do this! Being a stay at home mom is a 24/7 job.
Aw Parsley! I know you are one strong and dedicated wife and mom!
Wishing you a 2014 filled with an abundance of blessings.
Robin in Virginia
You should e-mail me - we have lots in common. In fact, I think I'll e-mail you later after Mass is attended and supper is eaten.
What is right for one person isn't necessarily right for the other. You've been lucky to be able to do whatever you could. I would rather not have to work an office job. You're blessed in that you have a husband that worked together with you to make your lives compatible and liveable. Perhaps your mother is just a wee bit envious of you. You are where you are by God's design. Its all in HIS time, not necessarily yours. I'm sorry that your mom's remarks sting you. They weren't very thoughtful, I agree. The way you live your life has worked out very well for you and your family. Don't let anyone else take that magic away from you.
Have you seen this cute picture... of a dogs bottom... and it says Money does not buy happiness, but coming home to a wagging dog's behind does! I'll say you have many wagging dog's behind to make you truly blessed.
Yup I hear ya. That's just awful...My mom always had a bitter tongue toward me too. What's important is you recognize what she is saying has no truth in it. I'm glad you know that you have worth and it shouldn't be measured by anyone else's standards. You are a sweet smart person. I know how much it hurts when you have a mom who is always disappointed in you or shaming you. Take the love from uh our family and friends and pray for her. I found in my situation that praying blessings and compassio n on my mom freed me from feeling the need for her approval. Give yourself a hug you deserve it.
I understand your feelings. I stayed home with my children, I didn't home school them but did all the rest y things you do raising children. Some people think all women sit around eating bon bonds and watching TV. Sometimes we should be so lucky.Lol
So sorry that you have to deal with hurtful comments from your mom. My mom has been very hurtful in her comments and they are getting worse as she gets older.
Prayers and hugs for you!
Parsley,
Perhaps she thought the words "outside her home" were implied and considers you blessed that Sage is able to provide financially so you had the opportunity she didn't -- to care for your home and family.
Happy New Year, my friend.
Deborah
Being a good wife and good mother, the hardest job you will every have/love. We too made the choice for me not to work when the children were little. Could I have been 'more', earned 'more', succeeded 'more'....maybe but I wouldn't trade it to any kind of 'more'! The product you are producing if far more important.
I think that what you are doing is a full time job!! Homeschooling and doing all that you do with the animals is no small feat. Sending you hugs
Haha, me you and Gaynor must be triplets! My mother is just the same. I would have loved to have stayed at home and raise my children personally. One of my biggest regrets is that I had to work. There have been several occasions where I would rather have been home-schooling too!
I would love to say just ignore her but I know it really isn't that easy!
Parsley, I have been homeschooling our kids for 17 years with 10 more to go. There are many days when without a doubt it would be so much easier "to work." Staying home and raising a family, teaching and nuturing, is the kind of work that counts for eternity. Sorry that your mom doesn't get it and is jealous of you. Hope that you can show her grace despite the pain.
I wish I had had the choice to stay at home with my boys. I had to work (most of the times 2 jobs!) outside the home for all of their growing up years, and they turned out great for a single parent household! I am sure you are doing a great job of being a SAHM. You probably work harder in 1 day at home than I do in months at my job!
I've never homeschooled, but am lucky enough to stay home for the boys. That doesn't mean I don't "work" 24/7. No, I don't get a paycheck, I get more than that! I'm sorry your Mom said such hurtful things to you, jealously is an ugly thing.
You go girl! You deserve heaps of praise - such a big job to homeschool your daughter. Mothers can be very good at giving backhanded compliments - just try to let it slide off (easy to say, harder to do).
hugs, Kaye
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